I would have never dreamed that this evening I would be listening to my iPod while having my hands elbow deep in chicken - tearing it to pieces to use in yet another recipe to feed my little family. 10 years ago I pictured a different place, a different man, a different life.
April of 2000 was a difficult month. God was truly bringing me to a turning point in my faith and through some humiliation, heartache, and the decision to leave a job I loved, I sought to leave and embark on a journey. I had no idea where it would take me.
My dream - the desire of my heart that had always been since I could remember - was to be a wife and mother. Seriously, as a teenager people would ask me what I "wanted to do when I grew up." My answer... "to be a wife and mom." I normally got no response from people. They were dumbfounded that I had no other aspriations.
This was truly, at the deepest core of my soul, what I wanted to do and I was merely being honest. But on this day, ten years ago, at the ripe age of 21, I wondered if my dream would ever come to pass.
Funny, when we are young, starry eyed, and dreaming about our futures the ideas we have in our heads about what our dreams will look like. I don't really remember much of what I thought it would look like, but shredding chicken at 8:30 on a Monday evening listening to tunes was not quite how I pictured it.
Ironically, though, while my dream in its reality is a different picture than I dreamed it, God has truly given me the desires of my heart. It is both humbling and joyous to look back at where I was ten years ago. I was brought to such a point at that time that I reliquished this dream. I went forth, following the path I felt the Lord had given, and little did I know that six weeks later Doug would enter my life and change it forever.
Forgive my sentiment, but the place I was ten years ago today was one of great sorrow. One of pain. One that in a sense gave me freedom. Freedom to leave my dreams, trust a God who loves me, and venture forward. Looking back, letting go was the most precious gift and I am so thankful that I am now living my dream - being mom, wife, and shredding that greesy chicken.