I opened the door today, struggling to get the groceries in, the kids waiting for me in the car to come and unbuckle them, to find a mess once again all over the floor. Moe had gotten into the trash again. I flew into a tizzy. Almost loosing it and feeling myself grow too frustrated for words. I yell at the dogs, force them out the back door, quickly attend to the mess and venture back to the garage. When I approach Charlotte's side she is crying, whining about who knows what. I unbuckle her and in a frustrated tone tell her to go inside. Then I approach Douglass Charles' side of the car and quickly remove him. I am not here, I am not present, I am just trying to keep it together.
You see today is one of those days that the outside world doesn't see - the kids not minding, the dog tearing into the trash, the tantrum that ensues from this mother. It is one of those days I don't want you to see. You know I get frustrated you are human after all, but I don't want you to believe that I loose my cool and today I did.
Today is one of those days where I cry out to God during naptime prayers and beg Him to help me and forgive me for being such a poor example. Today is one of those days I collapse into my unmade bed at naptime and seriously wonder if I will have enough energy to finish the day. Today is one of those days...
But in my effort to be a good mother, be a good friend, be a good example I realize, I put too much pressure on myself. What truly matters most... the laundry or reading books joyously before naptime, a clean floor or a few moments of play before lunch, a made bed or a few snuggles and tickles with my two precious little ones.
You see on days like today, I get off course because I fail to see the importance in tickles, bookreading, and the ever important play. I focus too much on ALL the tasks at hand and I loose it. May we all remember, on days like today, to set the tasks aside and refocus our attention on the bigger picture - like tickling, snuggling, and saying "I love you!"