Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A few weeks back, after returning from my grandmothers, I was tired, irritable and it seemed I just couldn't shake it. I would find myself overly frustrated with the kids, angry about just about anything, and generally just unpleasant. I just had a feeling like I wanted to quit and if I didn't I would explode.
Since my 30th birthday and some "growing up" I did during that time in my life I have really become aware that I am in charge of these types of situations. Yes, leaning on God with things like this is important and necessary, but I must begin with acknowledgement and act on it first.
So... I decided to ask myself, "What (Alison) do YOU need to do to change the situation?" It is so easy to cast blame on everyone else and I believe it is the natural way to handle things, but that is exactly what it is - easy. The hard thing to do is take ownership and be proactive.
I began to pray. Had I changed something in my life? Why was I feeling this way? What do I need to change going forward to get back to the "old" me?
I realized two things: The first was that since daylight savings time I had been sleeping longer and forgoing my personal time before the kids got up - meaning prayer, quiet time, a little email and work in the quiet, and getting a shower and dressed by myself. Ahhh, now I know why I need som "me" time. I was giving that up to sleep - obviously the extra rest wasn't making things better. So, I changed this and saw a HUGE improvement in my mood.
Second was exercise. I have put this off and put this off. Partly because of the weather and partly because I didn't know when I would fit it in. So... I took a little Christmas money, headed to Target and purchased some new exercise clothes. Then I started walking the kids in the afternoon in their stroller (this is a tall task). I ultimately wanted to run, but it has been about 10 years since I have run on a regular basis and I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen.
One afternoon - after pushing my children around for two weeks in a stroller - I attempted to run by myself and was very surprised at how well I did and how much I LOVED the alone time - pushing myself, listening to music, having a few minutes to work out some of my frustrations.
So, I started getting up this last week before Doug goes to work to have my run. I have truly been amazed at how much better I feel. I also sleep better when I exercise - resulting in a happier me.
I am grateful - for my morning time, my run, and ultimately for God directing me that personal changes needed to be made to bring me a little sanity, and utlimately joy back into my life. I don't know about you, but I am guessing the hubs and my kiddos are pretty thankful for it too. :)
Here's to continuing to learn, grow, and figure out what truly makes us better and ultimately full of joy.