I woke up this morning again at 5:30 a.m. No, not because my baby needed me or my 19 month old little red-head was calling for me, I just can't sleep. Since I went back to work last month the insomnia has begun, along with migranes, and teeth clenching during sleep - which is causing my TMJ to come back in full force. Honestly, if I get 7 hours I am "sleeping in." I know I am completely and absolutely stressed out.
These stresses are not all due to work. I personally put way too much on myself - a habit that I believe I started back as a child. I am a people pleaser and my father expected a lot and my mom - with six children - needed a lot. This has benefited me in many ways, but it has also made me into the type of person that will try to do everything and kill myself while doing it.
I was convicted this morning as I had my quiet time - one of the benefits of being up so early - that while my circumstances are not what I want them to be - I would really quit work today if I was told I could - fretting is not the answer, in fact, it is desperately wicked.
Oswald Chambers wrote in My Utmost for His Highest (and for those of you who will look it is on tomorrow's lesson) "Resting in the Lord does not depend on external circumstances at all, but on your relationship to God Himself... Fussing always ends in sin... it is an indication of how really wicked we are. Fretting springs from a determination to get our own way... Have you been bolstering up that stupid soul of yours with the idea that your circumstances are too much for God? Put all "supposing" on one side and dwell in the shadow of the Almighty. Deliberately tell God that you will not fret about that thing (in my case many things). All of our fret and worry is caused by calculating without God."
I truly wish I could learn the art of casting my cares on my Lord. Unfortunately, as soon as I cast them I take them right back. I realize that I need to simplify my life in some way, but how does one do that when their responsibilities are so overwhelming and they have too much on their plate. It is quite a paradox to me, but God keeps bringing me back to this place and I know this is a lesson I need to learn. It is ironic to me that my worry and fret stems from my determination to get my own way. I have never thought of worry in this light. The thought of that makes me hate that about myself because I have always been such a worry wort and it convicts me more that I need to learn not to fret.
So, with all this said, I hope that it was at least some encouragement to you. And, if I happen across your mind today, please commit my fretting spirit to our Lord. We all know I need as much of His help as I can get. :)