Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Feelings Behind Motherhood

I guess someone told me when I became a mother that I would be overwhelmed with all sorts of feelings - complete and absolute joy, aggrevating frustration, more tired than I ever believed I would feel, elation at the simplest things, and overwhelming guilt. I honestly do my best but it is on days like today that I wonder if I should just hang it up and go back to work - would my kids be better off?

Now, I know what you are thinking, "Alison, you do work." Yes, but working from home and working away are two very different things. I know that motherhood is work regardless if there is "another job" and no matter whether you are in the home, at a job during the day, or a work from hom mom like me you have these feelings.

So today, I am tired - oh so tired - and my children seem to be punishing me. I have had too much work on my plate and I have shamelessly left my toddler to watch way too many hours of television. This is when the guilt sets in. I worry about neglect, am I spending too much time on other things, do I really have a choice when I have a short timeline to get things done for work - and so goes the conversation with myself in my head.

I remind myself that I am a good mother. No, I am not even close to perfect, but I sure do try hard, I love my children completely, and even in my absolute exhaustion I would never give them back. Today I feel guilty, tomorrow - who knows. The purpose of this post - I have no clue. I only have this to say, with all the frustrations and negative feelings, being a mother is one of my most favorite things. I love my children and just wish that I could be easier on myself. So moms (and dads) give yourself a little pat on the back today. You are doing a good job and don't listen to those little lies that are telling you otherwise.

1 comment:

Joanne Owen said...

Hate to tell you this, but the quilt never goes away, no matter if your kids are grown and married! However, you have the key to this already--don't listen to the lies. Ask the Holy Spirit for conviction, confess, and accept His forgiveness. As for the condemnation--tell the devil to take a hike. YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER, but you are not the source of all that is good--even for your children. One day Charlotte and Douglass Charles will have things to say about you that you only meant for their good. Sooo, enjoy the now, forget the past, and stop worrying about the future. Your kids have parents who love them and love each other--that my dear, is a tremendous gift.