Monday, March 14, 2011

This boy...

February 25th, 2011
When I found out I was expecting with you a little less than three years ago fear struck my soul. You see, your big sister was only six months old and Mommy wasn't quite sure how I was going to do it. I was overwhelmed, scared, and underneath that a little excited.

I pondered over the next few weeks many things, but one of the biggest things was would you be a boy or girl. I would have been thrilled with either, but I wondered if I would be a good mommy for a boy. The jury is still out on that one, but being a girl and growing up with many girls and only one brother, I just wasn't sure.

Your daddy really wanted to have a boy and I knew the day we had your sex confirmed on the ultrasound that he was thrilled. I was excited, but again, fearful.

You were an active little guy. Sometimes I thought you would bounce out of my stomach. I was fearful again of how active you might be. Could I really handle a boy?

The day you were born, on February 25th, you entered this world in a rush. You were a big boy and perfect. You immediately were different from your sister - not wanting to have anything to do with a swaddle - and you wanted to eat ALL THE TIME! But the biggest, and sweetest thing that surprised me, was your attachment to me.

Our first 24 hours together you didn't want to be too far from me. You were the most content snuggled in my arms or lying really closely against me. This did not change for some time and it was only by my really working with you that broke that pattern.

Your attachment, your physical affection, your desire to have me around has been such a thrill (and at times hard to deal with). I never expected it, especially with a boy, but you feel greatly, love deeply, and throw energy into everything you do.

I love being your mother because you are so many things I am not. You are male, passionate, aggressive, and non-people pleasing. You don't just take me at my word, you have to discover for yourself truth. This gets you in trouble most times and can be frustrating for me, but I can appreciate that this is part of your personality.

There are so many things I love about you, your big brown eyes with those long eyelashes (it truly is criminal for a boy to have such nice eyelashes), your affection for your older sister, the way you make everything have a motor, your from the gut giggle (makes me want to laugh), and your sweet, sensitive spirit (which I pray balances your other strong willed attributes). You are my boy! My favorite boy! My joy, my love, and an absolute blessing on my life.

I am priviledged to have you call me "Mom." Happy 2nd birthday! I love you!

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